alien_duck

helen_damnation, posting in fanficrants @ 12:52 am: The problem with phonetic accents (other than being difficult to read) is that they are all exactly the same. A Cockney accent is spelled the same way as a Southern American accent is spelled the same way as a pirate's accent. It's all very confusing.

An argument can be made for its use in written canons; if done well, differing speech patterns can help with characterisation (though it is not, in and of itself, characterisation) but in fanfic of visual and audio canons it's distracting and makes it difficult (for me, at least) to call up the character's actual voice, because I'm too busy sounding out the often-wrong phonetics.

ansela_jonla, posting in fanficrants @ 11:56 pm: How do I attract these crazies?
A comment I received today on my archive post... (bold is me)

You'r a good writer. Thank you Why do you waste you'r time writing stupid and plotless sex fics? Because I like writing smut. And they're not completely plotless, thank you very much. They'r just pointless and uncharacterized pieces of trash that you probably wank to while writing. People seem to like those 'pointless' fics, and I'm sure if they were OOC someone (like my beautiful characterisation expert) would have told me so by now. Put you'r dick down Can't. Don't have one.: You could spend you'r time more productivly writing decent long fics with a proper plot and characterization. Why the capital after the colon? Is that an American English thing? And if you bothered to look at the archive post you just commented on, you'd see that I do have a plotty, chaptered WIP with absolutely no smut warnings on.

You'r spelling is atrocius though. Pot. Kettle. Black Why dpo you put so many u's and s's in you'r fics? Er... because they're necessary. Because that's the way I spell. Because I write out names like Toushirou and Jyuushirou in the long form. What do you think you are, English? Yes, actually, I am English. Fandom belongs to Americans, idiot. That's the first I heard of it.

Stop wasting you'r time with crappy Japanese cartoons and comics as well. Oh, so now you're telling me what to write. Sorry, but I'll stay in anime and manga fandoms, thank you very much. They'r all about sex, sex, tentacle rape and sex. Someone's only seen hentai or heard the Fundie arguments against Japanese entertainment. They'r boring, pointless and unAmerican. That's your opinion, pal. And if they're so 'unAmerican', why do some series' get dubbed or translated? Answer me that! I see you like Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis. So what? Write more for them and abandom the Japanese crap, and that Harry Potter trash as well. I've written a total of three stories for the Stargateverse that I've stuck on my fic journal, and I have no intention to write more. I like my current fandoms, and have no intention of leaving them right now. English writers can't do anything right. So Tolkien, Philip Pullman, Charles Dickens, Catherine Cookson, the Brontë sisters, Shakespeare, Terry Pratchett and Brian Jacques are all awful writers then? Good to know. I'll avoid them from now on. /sarcasm.

o0o_faor_o0o, posting in fanficrants @ 06:14 pm: Thanks for the Spam?
Dear you (and you and you?),

Thanks for reviewing! Honestly, the ship is big but not too big, I'm relatively unknown over at the Pit, and the kink I wrote for this particular fiction was breathplay (which is a kink avoided by a lot of people). So, you don't have an account, and left an anon message; but whatever. I don't judge you (that hard); leaving an anon message never bothered me.

But the thing is, I got three anon messages, all "16 hours ago" for the same one-shot. They read:

1) G[...]: so exciting, kakashi  was captain, it`s so interesting. don`t you want to continue?
2) Se[...]: wow, kakashi and iruka "pirate" !? that`s amazing, but no sequel?
3) Sa[...]: oh it`s so HOT, hot couple. i hope you will continue and write a sequel for this, please.

Um, unless the world is playing tricks on me, this all sounds a lot alike. Now, I appreciate your love and support and hell, I was thinking about a sequel, but I do not appreciate a troll. Nor do I appreciate wank. I do not appreciate your "gentle insistence" for a sequel because your underhanded OMG-HAWT-THX is the kind of stuff that wtf is made of. I now blame you for the delay to any further work I had planned on doing.

frostedpopcorn, posting in fanficrants @ 11:00 pm: Hypocrisy, much?
Dear HP fandom,

( A D/Hr shipping rant.. )

jane_connor, posting in fanficrants @ 10:48 pm:

ang_band, posting in fanficrants @ 12:05 pm: F-f-f...a-a-ail....

I'm astounded by the number of fail in Friday the 13th fic. I don't know why; maybe some part of my soul that hasn't been completely stripped of hope and love by various fandoms managed to survive after all. But why, WHY, is practically all Friday the 13th fic plagued by bad grammar, bad spelling, and bad Mary-Sues, or worse, all three? I know I'm a horror fan, but not even I can take this.

If you want to make Jason fall in love with your OC, can you at least account for the fact that your pretty little thing is falling in love with a deformed, retarded, and traumatized lich with serious mommy issues, a huge aversion to sex, and a pathological desire to kill and defile post-pubescents? I'm sure there's someone out there who fetishizes rotting psychopaths, and could potentially deal with the various mental and emotional discrepencies that would be present in such a relationship, but they don't act like your OC.

jarethrake, posting in customers_suck @ 04:14 pm: I'm a lobby hostess in a McDs.

Today, a bunch of teenagers were in.  They were swearing a bit, I asked them to stop, they apologised, and seemed alright about it. I got gradually more suspicious of their behaviour, especially when they started taking handfuls of straws.  Every time, I'd ask them to give them back, with my "teacher" tone of voice (I intend to be one someday, so I like to practice it).  They took a few leaflets too (and by 'a few' I mean several handfuls).

They hung around outside for a bit, swearing and so on.  When I went out, I thought I felt something go over my shoulders, but I dismissed it.  They came back in, and when I asked one of them not to swear, another one got me with a spitball in the back of my head.  I went and asked the manager to kick them out, but they ran away in the few seconds it took me to get to the counter.

I finished my shift a few minutes later, and I saw them again when I went outside.  One of them threw an egg at the window, then another one threw an egg at me (it hit).  I went back inside, warned the next hostess, asked the managers to call the police, and rinsed myself off quickly under the tap (they got my hand, which was in my pocket, and my hip).

They've come in before.  If they come in again, I'm kicking them straight out.

My calm tone is a result of a very simple choice; that or shouting.

Rotten little cunts.

chelonianmobile, posting in fanficrants @ 02:20 pm: Dear person who mentally scarred me when I was eleven and just getting into the fanfic scene:
( Cut for gory, disturbing, and NWS content. )
The really sad thing is I think this fic got taken down, and now I'm twenty, I miss it.

mondler_4ever, posting in fanficrants @ 08:04 am: What...?

Dear Harry Potter Writer,

If you don't want people to comment on your spelling and grammatical errors, then please do us all a favor and not write anything at all.

No Love at ALL,

Me

( Read more... )

 

shanaqui, posting in fanficrants @ 12:27 pm: Dear you
Look, I understand Wincest is super popular in Supernatural fandom, and you may or may not know that I do write Sam/Dean and John/Dean (and even John/Dean/Sam). But Sam and Dean being in the same room twice doesn't make it incest. Nor does Sam falling asleep on Dean while they're watching tv. Given that the main character of the fic is Jess, you'd think she'd kind of freak out if she thought that little scene was incestuous, given that (at that point in the fic) she was Sam's girlfriend.

There was absolutely no thought of Wincest in my mind when I wrote that fic. Sam/Jess, yes. Dean/Jess, yes. No Sam/Dean. Not even any homosexuality at all.

If you want to read my fic and see Wincest in it, well, they're your slash goggles. But that doesn't mean I have to warn for it.

liliaeth, posting in fanficrants @ 01:17 pm: Why all the Chloe crossovers
Let me get one thing straight out. Yes I know this is a personal thing, yes I know that loads of others probably feel differently, but this is fanficrants, not fanfic reasonable complaints ;-)

I've utterly and completely had to give up on Smallville crossovers.

Now I like Smallville, I even like Chloe, but...

I can no longer read Smallville crossovers with Chloe in them as the main character, which is pretty much all of them.

I probably wouldn't be half as annoyed if at least half of them had Clark in a major role, or you know, any other role than as a supporting character in Chloe's story. Or the guy too stupid to give Chloe a chance...

Why is it so hard to find a Smallville crossover that actually features the show's main character? By now if I see a crossover with Chloe's name in the pairings list, I instantly turn back.

Partly because of the over saturation of Chloe crossovers, and partly because despite 99,9999% of all Smallville crossovers featuring Chloe Sullivan, not even half of them show the actual Chloe instead of Chloe Sue, little miss perfect, instantly beloved by any and all. (the same problem I have with Xander-crossovers in Buffy-fandom)

kawaiispinel, posting in fanficrants @ 01:59 pm: BUT THEY'RE ANGELS. THEY HAVE TO HAVE WINGS. D:
I get wingfic is a huge kink, especially in this fandom, but angels in Supernatural? DO NOT HAVE WINGS.

At least not blatant, feathery wings. They might have metaphorical wings (Cas's wing shadows, Raphael's lightning wings) that could be something bleeding over from their true forms (and their true forms probably do have wings, as evidenced by the wing burn marks left on the ground when they die), but as they appear in canon while residing in a vessel? None. If Castiel was shedding feathers every which way, we probably would have seen it by now.

...Given I'm only on the fringe of this fandom, I'm probably going to come to find out there's a legitimate reason for why this keeps happening in fic, but it kinda aggravates me and makes me wonder where people are getting this from?

teenonfire4lord, posting in customers_suck @ 02:31 am: Would you like some cocoa with your photo?
As I've mentioned before, I work at the largest employer in the state of Florida. You know, the one who has a world-famous Mouse for a mascot? Sad to say, I no longer am employed at the largest Mouse-related retail store on Earth. I transferred to one of the resort hotels to do Housekeeping, and basically after 1 horrid month I LET them fire me, in exchange for the ability to be re-hired right away. Miraculously (perhaps even magically?), I WAS re-hired, and now work in a Kingdom of Magic, slinging cash and coins in a Land of Tomorrow.

But enough about me.

( I always like my Kodak Photo Paper with a little Swiss Miss... )

( Could you do about 10 things for me AND make it snappy? )

Overall, I'm overjoyed to be back with the Mouse and thrilled to finally be working inside the Kingdom of Magic...but I know to expect an increase in the amount of sucks and crazies. Oh well, fodder for here, I guess.

willtherebecake, posting in customers_suck @ 12:56 am: The problem seems to lie between the keyboard and the chair....
There was a huge influx of people ordering online and having their order screwed up somehow or another....by THEM. This is the one that made me lawl so hard: one guy ordered anchovies (BLACHEWWYUCK) on his pizza, then called and complained that WE screwed up his order and WE purposely did it to piss him off. Long story short, I'll get banned for typing the rest...lol :)

Also, ordering pizzas + coupon = mucho discounts. Ordering pizzas - coupon =/= mucho discounts. Yes ma'am, I really do need the physical coupon to give you the deal. And to be quite honest with you, it was another pizza chain that had a 1 large 1 topping pizza for $10, but I'm tired, and I don't feel like arguing. I did get a bit agitated with her, but damnit! She kept INSISTING on another certain deal that I cannot just give out! We have coupons for a free 2 topping large pizza. I just can't give out discounts willynilly. I. NEED. THE. COUPON! FFFFUUUU----


Tiny edit for clarity.

ginzai, posting in fanficrants @ 12:32 am: Just because it makes your story easier does not make it right
Oi. If a character is sick, pregnant, injured, or for whatever reason, is in the hospital or seeking medical advice but is still considered sane, the doctor on staff will not go behind his or her back to contact their significant other, especially in occasions where said significant other and your hospitalized character are on the outs and there is a danger of mistreatment or abuse. Nor will they spill medical secrets to their family or coworkers, no matter how close or how important a secret it might be.

See, beyond the moral issues of advising someone of another person's medical issues without their consent, yanking into the situation someone that your injured party has no expressed no desire to see and actually appears rather anxious about having to confront causes them stress. Stress on a body in these cases is typically avoided to the best of the doctor's ability. That pesky "first do no harm" rule, yes?

Similarly, and I'm no medical expert here, but I'm thinking it's probably pretty unlikely that a doctor will force a character to go home with another, just because of a concussion or illness or whatever. Seems to me that they'd keep them hospitalized until they could take care of themselves if there is no one else available.

I'm sure this trope can be pulled off with skill and finesse, but I've yet to see it happen. I know it makes it a lot easier to facilitate your romance if the injured character is given no alternative but to be forced to spend time with their partner or if the choice to own up to a medical issue is removed from them, but it's still a really bad idea and, for this ranter at least, comes across as far more creepy and non-con-esque than romantic or touching. Just think about it for a moment. What would your reaction be if that choice was taken from you?

This rant is brought to you by one too many bad fic, by the teacher rant a few posts below, and the number 7.

ETA: I'm referring here to modern day stories set primarily in the States, since I'm unfamiliar with laws and regulations in other areas. Just to clarify. :)

moonchildfic, posting in fanficrants @ 11:21 pm: Dear Pit... person?
So, you've (theoretically) read some of my fics, come up with an idea of your own and want my help writing it. Wait, by that you mean you want me to write it? And it took to the last third of the PM to even mention the fandom of the story? And OCs?

...My reasons why you fail, let me show them to you.

1) I don't recognize your name so if you've ever reviewed any of my fics it was one of the "good job." ones that are nice enough but not really memorable. And I don't think you're even one of those.

2) Again I don't recognize your name so obviously I've never spoken/pmed/whatevered with you so we've never really established the kind of borderline relationship I have with a few in my fandom for whom I do occasionally write stories for.

3) I do have a prompt begging post on my LJ, but you used Fanfic PMs to message me so I assume you've never seen my journal so it was just luck that I happened to write prompts at all.

4) Your "Review" contained only one line that made me think you may have read my fics (other than the fact you knew I wrote Leverage). It was, I quote, "Oh!Love your stories bythe way". While I normally would say a review was a review and be happy you just finished asking me to write you a long!Fic "at least" 20 chapters long and you can't be bothered to even let me know which of the genres/pairs I write you like.

5) You told me the story should be a long!fic at least 20 chapters long. My chapters tend to run between 3 and 6 thousand words each and I spend at least three hours on each of them. You're asking, telling, me that in order to do this I'd be writing between 60,000 and 120,000 words dedicating a minimum of 60 hours of my time.

6) You told me you already had names and ages for the ocs I'd need for the story.

...Oh person, you're adorable...

umbluemusic, posting in customers_suck @ 10:17 pm: Today I was working in the bistro, watching customers browse and getting them their cinnamon rolls, hot dogs, and various other items they were picking up in the market. I see plenty of families with their children stroll through. But today, I watched two parents with their child wander and realized that the kid was holding one of our packets of cookies - basically a roll of them -

( like these )

( Letting your kids chew on cookie packages and then attempting not to pay for them is not cool )

I seriously felt my brain hemorrhage at the end of that transaction. Just...who does that. Who thinks that would be ok. Just...what. The. Hell.

silver_apples, posting in fanficrants @ 10:10 pm: If a high school teacher sees an injured student in the hallway, the teacher is not going to agree with the student's plan of finding a friend to drive her to the hospital and then go back into her office while the student goes in search of said friend alone. Nor is the friend's teacher going to allow the friend to leave class to drive an injured student to the hospital. Schools have rules and protocols in place for dealing with injuries and medical emergencies. "Let the kids take care of it themselves" is not one of them.

Why does no one, including the injured student, make an effort to bandage the wound or stop the bleeding? There's a girl walking down the hallway dripping blood and no one does anything.

I confess, I do not know much about blood loss, shock, or how much blood can be lost from an injury to the palm, but I find it hard to believe that someone can be perfectly rational, aware, and walking around with no problems right up to the second she faints for dramatic effect from blood loss and/or shock. If she'd just stood up or had looked at her hand for the first time or saw spots and felt dizzy, something, I could accept it, but she was sitting down talking and then fainted after the conversation was over without any symptoms (other than bleeding) to warn all was not well. (This is the part where everyone tells me that they never have any warning before they faint, right?)

I'll admit, it was a good place to end the chapter. It was also a good place to hit the back button.

Rant the second:

If someone writes a fic for you, say "thank you." I don't care if you don't like it, if the author took your prompt in a different direction than you'd expected, or if it is riddled with typos and OOC-ness (not that any of the fics inspiring this rant were poorly written. Most were excellent and the rest were good). It is a gift. Someone put time and effort into it for you. You don't have to write a two-page review praising it, but you should comment. Even if there isn't a single thing you liked about it, you should thank the author for his or her effort.

kisarax, posting in customers_suck @ 08:59 pm: Dear everyone who cant seem to grasp reading,
There is a difference between 'through' and 'Thursday.'



No, for it being so confusing you can't have the coupon discount today.

No.

You can't.

It says it's valid Thursday, December 31st.
In the right corner in very large letters it says "NEW YEARS EVE SALE"


Today is December 26th.


IT. IS. NOT. VALID.

Why do we have them out if they aren't valid yet?

It's so you people come back when they are valid and spend more money. THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT OF DATED COUPONS.



Second.

Wilton things HARDLY EVER GO ON SALE MORE THEN 30% OFF. How do I know this? I've worked here since this store opened its doors.

You've never seen me before and I just have to be new?


The sign on Wilton states. "Wilton HOLIDAY SUPPLIES ARE 50%"

That would mean, that special cookie cutter that is in the shape of a x-mas tree, or that red and green sprinkles we only carry at Christmas is on sale.


NO, IT DOES NOT MEAN ALL WILTON IS 50% OFF.

No, it isn't deceiving. No, it's not false advertising.

Do you people even know what false advertising means?


Do you know what reading ability and comprehension is? The skill you are lacking.

I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and joke about autopilot mode, it's been a long month.
You lose this benefit of the doubt when you're mean to me about the 'misunderstanding.'




But yet, I smiled through each customer who just HAD to be right today.

I think I hate Dec 26th more then Nov 26th.

Hah.

writinchica2k, posting in fanficrants @ 11:59 pm: Insert You Fail Sex Ed Forever link here.
So, you have your protagonists using a condom during intercourse in your smut piece, under the explanation they haven't known each other long and want to keep it safe. Which is not what I'm ranting about, safe sex is sexy and needs to be dealt with more often.

*However*, you write them having oral after...with swallowing...and no mention of putting on a fresh rubber? Er, yeahhh.

tl;dr, you can still get STDs from oral sex, so plz to be either consistent with written condom use or just plain go the standard No STDs In PWP-World route.